You know the feeling: You wake up and want to simultaneously do cartwheels, call your BFFs, and Gorilla Glue yourself to the warm body next to you so you’ll never EVER have be apart.
But chances are you’ll nix the acrobatics, settle for a quick Emoji update on the group text (eggplant + heart + smiling purple devil), and you’ll eventually have to bid adieu.
But it’s ok… because you just had GREAT S*X.
Following are some signs that shows that you had the best s*x of your lifetime:
1. You need to shower afterward. And not because you feel dirty from doing an un-Godly act. Because you feel dirty from sweating like you just did an Ironman in a mascot costume in Africa.
2. Your spray tan has gone splotchy. That is all.
3. Panties are lodged under the bed. Like, how did they even get there? No seriously, I want to know.
4. Bra is LITERALLY NOWHERE TO BE FOUND.
5. Clothes (from one or both parties) are in the living room. And the kitchen. And hanging from the lamp (what?). Well except the bra; that’s still gone.
6. Your neighbor gives you the serious side-eye when you see him/her at the mailboxes the next day.
7. Your dog/cat gives you a look that says, “I’m not mad; I’m just disappointed.” Judgmental asshole.
8. You realize you gave zero Fs what your body looked like whilst gyrating in contorted positions that would make your yoga instructor jealous. YOLO.
9. You have #JGF hair (Just Got… you know). On a normal day, you can’t even get your lovely lady locks to hold a single curl, but when you wake up from a wild sex sesh, you literally have a perm.
10. One of your false eyelashes is on his cheek. His ass cheek.
11. Your vajazzle jewels are missing… as is the top layer of your labia.