Are You Bored? The World Is Going To End Anyway In June

If 2018 is already proving to not be your year, then I have good news for you, because according to some doomsday prophecies the world is going to end on 24 June anyway. So don’t bother making any plans for the August bank holiday weekend.

This particular end-of-the-world-warning has been found within the pages of the Holy Bible, according to conspiracy theorist Mathieu Jean-Marc Joseph Rodrigue. In a passage from the Book of Revelations, our pal Mathieu reckons the line ‘he was given authority to act for 42 months’ is key when added to the crop harvest and price.

According to the Daily Star, Mathieu writes:

“I heard a voice in the middle of the four living beings. This is wisdom. He who has intelligence can interpret the figure of the beast.

“It represents the name of a man. His figure is 666.”

On working out the date, he takes the number of the beast – 666 – and adds it to his earlier calculations and when all added together comes up on 24 June, which is a Sunday, so make sure you get mortal on Saturday 23 June, because it’s your last chance and you might as well go out in style, eh?

(There’s a potential spanner in the works for Mathieu here, given that many sources believe 666 isn’t actually the number of the beast. This follows the 2005 discovery of an early fragment from the Book of Revelation, which suggests the number is in fact 616. Still, let’s not spoil a good Nostradamus moment, eh?).

Mathieu hasn’t got any insider details on how we all die, but it could involve a certain secretive-definitely-not-made-up planet called Nibiru, which was believed by some to be on an apocalyptic collision course with Earth.

NASA has strictly ruled out a planet Nibiru. In a statement, the space agency said:

“The planet in question, Nibiru, doesn’t exist, so there will be no collision. The story of Nibiru has been around for years… and is periodically recycled into new apocalyptic fables.

“Nibiru and other stories about wayward planets are an internet hoax. There is no factual basis for these claims. If Nibiru or Planet X were real and headed for an encounter with the Earth… astronomers would have been tracking it for at least the past decade, and it would be visible by now to the naked eye.

“Obviously, it does not exist.”

But they would say that, wouldn’t they? Wake up, sheeple.

And even if it’s not a planet smashing into the Earth, you can take your pick of alternate endings to how we all die: giant asteroid, AI robot invasion or escalating nuclear war between… well there’s loads. Or maybe even a zombie takeover.

But I mean, how many of these Armageddons did we manage to survive last year? Five? Six? So maybe we can take the whole thing with a truckload of salt.

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